Thursday, January 17, 2008

That's a big cat


Cougar - An older woman who frequents clubs in order to score with a much younger man. The cougar can be anyone from an overly surgically altered wind tunnel victim, to an absolute sad and bloated old horn-meister, to a real hottie or MILF. 

So, after overhearing a conversation or two over the holidays, one of my goals before I graduate will be to go to a certain hangout in a certain area that has a well established reputation as a cougar hangout. 

NOTE: I AM NOT GOING THERE TO BE COUGAR BAIT. I JUST WANT TO OBSERVE THE SOCIAL DANCE BETWEEN POTENTIALLY UNDER AGE GUYS AND OVER THE HILL WOMEN

I mentioned this to a couple of the law students here, hoping that I can persuade a few of them to embark on this adventure before we all finish law school. Of the dozen or so people I've asked, only one has agreed to go with me. C'mon! Are lawyers not trained to be litigious and adversarial? And isn't a sense of bravado and daringness required if one is to be litigious and adversarial? Are we training a generation of pansied lawyers? 

A few law students have been willing to bargain though. However, they all require me going home with a lady over 70. No. Now, hypothetically speaking, I may be willing to be bait for a coug in her 30s (maybe even early 40s), but no way am I willing to be cougar bait for someone over 70. Not only is it gross, but it violates one of the unwritten rules of dating: half your age + seven. The absolutely youngest man a 70-year-old woman can go for is 41. Forty-one. I am nowhere near 41. I don't even look my age. 

Furthermore, no matter how rich the lady is, my personal experience volunteering at a retirement home has taught me to stay in my dating-age range. I once had to slow dance with a lady no younger than 70. Half way through the dance, I noticed an absolutely detestable smell. Not wanting to be rude, I continued to smile and make small talk with the lady who by this time looked kinda spaced out. Only after the dance did I put two and two together and realized that the absolutely detestable smell most likely emanated from the lady's diaper. She pooped half way through our dance! Argh! 

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